I'm going straight to the point: my gynae did transvaginal ultrasound and confirmed that the baby's heartbeat has stopped and the structure is abnormal. Also, I was already having brown discharge, it's a matter of time the miscarriage will happen. So we were given options to either wait for a miscarriage to happen naturally, to induce for a miscarriage or to undergo Dilation & Curettage (D&C). I listened calmly but once I stepped out of the clinic my tears rolled down immediately. Hubs hugged and said: it's okay, we're still young. After calming myself down, we decided to go for a second opinion since this is a crucial decision. To cut the story short, the second opinion echoed the first. So it was certain that we couldn't keep the baby.
On the way home, I thought about two call meetings that I was supposed to attend later the day and a report to be sent, I thought about those who already knew about my pregnancy, I thought about the confinement lady whom I have just booked, and I thought about the Taobao shopping for pregnancy clothes which was yet to arrive. Ahhh....all these and a decision to make on how to abort the fetus in my body. And I looked at my bloated stomach, still couldn't quite believe that there was no living sign inside there already. Just like that. Too much to think and I was so tired. During the second doctor visit, a confinement lady who was coming along with a new mother approached me and asked if this is my first pregnancy, how many months, and whether I need a confinement lady service. Really? This person has to appear in front of me at that moment to ask those questions?? What a plot. That doesn't end, we also met my husband's acquaintance in the clinic and she kindly wished that I am going to have a baby girl this time. Now you understand why I was tired. I told my husband that I just wanted to go home and sleep. We packed lunch and went home, After taking a bath, sending a few messages and emails for MC, I switched on the laptop and watched Hong Kong drama and I slept. The one simple way to distract myself and get some rest.
Woke up in the afternoon, I got myself together and decided to go for an operation the next day. After calling the doctor to make appointment, hubs suggested we should go out for a date night. The best way to motivate myself is to get up, dress up (well I didn't really dress up haha!) and make up!
Our night started with 3-course Hakka meal and ended with a nice Molten Lava from Naj and Belle. Over the dessert session, we talked about our feelings and exchanged our thoughts on losing the baby. I was glad that the doctors were professional and they didn't talk about the cause but the subsequent actions. I was also particularly glad that few days before this, when I was kinda worried, a doctor friend of mine shared that a lot of mothers tend to blame themselves for the loss, but actually sometimes it happens naturally when the body detects some problems in the fetus. This is how amazing our body is. To be entirely honest, I wasn't very sad but more of err....disappointed I think? I think I have done all I can as a mother and there is no need for self-blaming. After talking our hearts out, I felt much better (perhaps the molten lava helped too!) but at the same time, I started to feel cramps on my lower left abdomen. The pain increases when I got home and I discovered fresh red bleeding. The bleeding and the pain peaked up in about one hour's time but it was bearable and I suspected my body is working to protect me already. Luckily I went to the doctor before this happened, or I might scream when I see the bleeding. I took painkillers and tried to put myself to sleep as I need to be at the hospital at 8am the next day.
Today I arrived in the hospital and told the doctor about my symptoms last night. Doctor did a scanning and said the major parts of the fetus are no longer in the uterus. Wow! That's good to hear. So I don't need to undergo operation and just need to rest at home to monitor the bleeding. Such a positive outcome in this unfortunate event.
I am sharing this because I don't think miscarriage is a taboo nor something to be ashamed of. It brought me tears of joy and sadness but it also taught me some important life lessons. I will truly appreciate lives more than I already am and I am blessed to witness the amazing part of nature and how I was not hurt and was protected in this process. If you're experiencing this or had the same experience, cheers to you and I'm with you :) If you're still thinking about planning or delaying to have children, I need to let you know that there are so many things in life which we can control but not this one. If you work hard, you can slim down, you can get a decent job and pay, you can achieve so many things but having children is not something that is necessarily proportionate to your effort. Well, after all, I am still a mother with a great husband and the cutest boy ever! :D
Finally!!!! Words cannot describe my feelings when I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test kit. Was just too excited and touched. Friends around me know that we have been planning to get a second child and I was so blessed because we don't have to wait too long :D I almost wanted to buy a Fertility Monitor home already hahaha.
I did the test right after I was back from a business trip to Jakarta. To my surprise, it was positive! I literally screamed in the toilet out of joy. But that doesn't stop me from driving back to Melaka to see my son at 9pm after a long and tiring day of travel. On my way back, the excitement subsided and I started to think about the 1,000 questions that I need answers for, with regards to our second child. When I finally reached home at 10.30pm, (after kissing and hugging my lil man) hubs and I went out on our own to have supper. Well actually we needed the privacy to share our happiness together! I already sent him the photo of positive result before I reached home and I am sure he would be as happy as I was (or more).
My first prenatal check up! Since I gave birth to lil man, I have always recorded my menstrual dates with a mobile app, so I can easily track my last menstrual date this time. According to the date, I was supposed to be at Week-6 pregnancy so I was very excited to visit the doctor as I thought there would be heartbeat already. However, the ultrasound scan showed that the baby is still very small - about 4 weeks old according to the size (due to my irregular menstrual cycle recently and perhaps late ovulation). So the doctor advised me to come back again one month later, when the baby is around 8 weeks old, if there is no unusual signs (e.g. bleeding). I was proud to tell the doctor that I have been taking Folic Acid for 3 months, which is important to prevent the baby's neural tube defect. Well, after all....I am an experienced mother now! *flip hair*
Knowing that I am only at 4-week-pregnancy kinda worries me...the doctor was also frank that I am at an unstable stage now, so I should take good care of myself and avoid lifting heavy stuff. Phew! I wished I did the test much later! I was 7-week pregnant when I found out about it last time. But life goes on, and especially with a small baby inside me now, I need to be positive! First thing first, I stocked up groceries and started cooking at least one meal a day to control my food intake. I stopped taking coffee and avoid sugar after I found out that I am pregnant. Not gaining too much weight is my secondary concern, so I need to be careful of the nutrients that I am taking into my body.
Pregnancy symptoms? So far I am only feeling tired and (most of the time) sleepy. No morning sickness. No food craving. Thank god! Oh ya, I am also feeling very bloated and having diarrhea for few days. But I have visited my gynae and it stopped. I guess it's the hormonal change that causes the digestive system to respond differently. Everyone is different in their pregnancy and each pregnancy is also different, so I can only guess....and pray! Lil man gave me the smoothest pregnancy journey that every mother could ask for and I hope it's the same this round.
I have been thinking about exercising during pregnancy because I gained so much weight last time (20kg!) and I think I am ready this time because I have been working out regularly for the past one year, so I am physically and mentally prepared to exercise while pregnant. So, after asking "permission" from hubs, I hit the gym for the first time during pregnancy, even when I'm in my first trimester! I didn't want to push myself, just want to be active and try to maintain both my leg and arm muscle. It's important to train on our legs because they will need to support the extra weight that will come soon. So I did some cardio and lower body & arm exercises without weight. Felt very good after the session and it gave me confidence to continue doing it!
The 1,000 questions remain unanswered now but I just want to focus on the changes in my life and make sure that I live well to grow the baby inside. That's it. Leave all the problems for later, at least after I hear the heartbeat. Till then, I will remain positive and hope for the best. :)
The little ones can be really messy at times, especially after they enter 1 year old. That's when they gain more independence by learning to walk. They can now throw your socks into the kitchen basin - just to name one example. My lil man is no exception.
I don't really stop my lil man from doing most of the things he wants to do, unless it's dangerous act or something expensive is in danger hahaha! Even if he is doing what is seem to be dangerous, I don't tend to stop him either, I just make sure I stand by him to help out, if needed. 9 out of 10 times, he doesn't need my help. This is another topic.
So, I believe that I don't have to and I shouldn't be stopping my lil man to explore new things. Anyway, this is what he's supposed to do as a young child! We're old enough to know books are not to be stepped on, drinking water is not be spilled all over the floor, and used diapers are not to be sniffed! To them, these are all new experiences.
My principle is for him to be held responsible for the mess he causes. Every single time. If he places his toys in every corner of the house, he'll have to go to every corner to pick them up. If he spills water, he'll have to wipe it. If he throws away his rice, he'll have to clean up the floor later. Really, if he does clean up the mess later, why do we need to be harsh on him?
Some tips here to help:
1. Get him a place of his absolute own
We bought him a little house from IKEA and told him from day 1 that it's his space. To make it habitual, we store all of his toys inside the little house. Before he goes to sleep at night, he needs to keep all his toys inside the little house.
2. Tell him what to do beforehand
We will let him know that he needs to stay back to clean the mealtime aftermath, don't scold or warn him, just tell him clearly. Sometimes when we eat out, we will also try to clean the leftover food that he throws on the floor and make him watch us do it. He might not get it yet, but we hope he can learn from our action.
3. Do it together
I think they are just too young to be left alone to clean the mess, they might feel abandoned and develop negative feelings when they are told to perform their responsibilities. So, we do it together. I realise that instead of instructing him to do something, I start doing it first and invite him along is a much better way. He's at this golden stage to imitate our actions so it's a fun thing for him too.
4. Teach by actions
To not stop him means don't yell at him or punish him for doing something which we think is not right. But we also need to educate him on what is right from wrong. The best way is to teach him through what we do. To be honest, my lil man is still repeating the same things (I won't say they're mistakes) everyday. However, I still believe that we don't have to beat him up or scold him. After all, he's just 22 months old, there's still a lot in him to be developed before he can truly understand our instructions. Meanwhile, just stay calm and make sure we as adults, don't do the same thing hehe.
5. Persistence and perseverance
If he runs away 10 times, I'll go and take him back to the "crime scene" on the 11th time to clean his own mess. Like I told my friends, it only takes me 10 minutes to eat with him, but I need to spend another 30 minutes to get him to come back and clean the floor with me. Don't think this is a waste of time and it's faster for you to clean for them. If you clean for them once, they'll know they don't have to come back ever. Children are this smart. My lil man, albeit very active, will sit down and clean the mess with me. Of course, this is after so many practices.
Good luck!! 😉