I'm going straight to the point: my gynae did transvaginal ultrasound and confirmed that the baby's heartbeat has stopped and the structure is abnormal. Also, I was already having brown discharge, it's a matter of time the miscarriage will happen. So we were given options to either wait for a miscarriage to happen naturally, to induce for a miscarriage or to undergo Dilation & Curettage (D&C). I listened calmly but once I stepped out of the clinic my tears rolled down immediately. Hubs hugged and said: it's okay, we're still young. After calming myself down, we decided to go for a second opinion since this is a crucial decision. To cut the story short, the second opinion echoed the first. So it was certain that we couldn't keep the baby.
On the way home, I thought about two call meetings that I was supposed to attend later the day and a report to be sent, I thought about those who already knew about my pregnancy, I thought about the confinement lady whom I have just booked, and I thought about the Taobao shopping for pregnancy clothes which was yet to arrive. Ahhh....all these and a decision to make on how to abort the fetus in my body. And I looked at my bloated stomach, still couldn't quite believe that there was no living sign inside there already. Just like that. Too much to think and I was so tired. During the second doctor visit, a confinement lady who was coming along with a new mother approached me and asked if this is my first pregnancy, how many months, and whether I need a confinement lady service. Really? This person has to appear in front of me at that moment to ask those questions?? What a plot. That doesn't end, we also met my husband's acquaintance in the clinic and she kindly wished that I am going to have a baby girl this time. Now you understand why I was tired. I told my husband that I just wanted to go home and sleep. We packed lunch and went home, After taking a bath, sending a few messages and emails for MC, I switched on the laptop and watched Hong Kong drama and I slept. The one simple way to distract myself and get some rest.
Woke up in the afternoon, I got myself together and decided to go for an operation the next day. After calling the doctor to make appointment, hubs suggested we should go out for a date night. The best way to motivate myself is to get up, dress up (well I didn't really dress up haha!) and make up!
Our night started with 3-course Hakka meal and ended with a nice Molten Lava from Naj and Belle. Over the dessert session, we talked about our feelings and exchanged our thoughts on losing the baby. I was glad that the doctors were professional and they didn't talk about the cause but the subsequent actions. I was also particularly glad that few days before this, when I was kinda worried, a doctor friend of mine shared that a lot of mothers tend to blame themselves for the loss, but actually sometimes it happens naturally when the body detects some problems in the fetus. This is how amazing our body is. To be entirely honest, I wasn't very sad but more of err....disappointed I think? I think I have done all I can as a mother and there is no need for self-blaming. After talking our hearts out, I felt much better (perhaps the molten lava helped too!) but at the same time, I started to feel cramps on my lower left abdomen. The pain increases when I got home and I discovered fresh red bleeding. The bleeding and the pain peaked up in about one hour's time but it was bearable and I suspected my body is working to protect me already. Luckily I went to the doctor before this happened, or I might scream when I see the bleeding. I took painkillers and tried to put myself to sleep as I need to be at the hospital at 8am the next day.
Today I arrived in the hospital and told the doctor about my symptoms last night. Doctor did a scanning and said the major parts of the fetus are no longer in the uterus. Wow! That's good to hear. So I don't need to undergo operation and just need to rest at home to monitor the bleeding. Such a positive outcome in this unfortunate event.
I am sharing this because I don't think miscarriage is a taboo nor something to be ashamed of. It brought me tears of joy and sadness but it also taught me some important life lessons. I will truly appreciate lives more than I already am and I am blessed to witness the amazing part of nature and how I was not hurt and was protected in this process. If you're experiencing this or had the same experience, cheers to you and I'm with you :) If you're still thinking about planning or delaying to have children, I need to let you know that there are so many things in life which we can control but not this one. If you work hard, you can slim down, you can get a decent job and pay, you can achieve so many things but having children is not something that is necessarily proportionate to your effort. Well, after all, I am still a mother with a great husband and the cutest boy ever! :D
I talked about how I found out I was pregnant in the previous post and I also mentioned that I was a little anxious to have found out so early. So, I patiently waited until Week 6, when le husband was finally not working one day and I quickly arranged for the second scanning to be done. Well the doctor said I can go back for second scanning on Week 8 but I knew baby's heartbeat can be detected starting from Week 6, so I couldn't wait further.
Doctor tried to scan from my stomach (which is called Transabdominal Ultrasound - ya, I just Googled this haha) and saw two black spots. So, he decided to perform Transvaginal Ultrasound (the name tells you how it works) for a clearer image and got the above. The yellow-circled one is my tiny little baby and amazingly, there was heartbeat already!!! I was over the moon to know about this. However, the red-circled dark spot next to the baby might be blood clot or fibroid, which couldn't be determined yet. The doctor concluded that I need to take good rest and no heavy-lifting.
I kinda selectively ignored the second part and was very happy that I'm now carrying a baby with heartbeat. Naturally, a few more close friends knew about the pregnancy. Well, I didn't want to hide the news but I think it's not the time to let the world knows about it yet. However, I also don't want to lie to my friends just for the sake of hiding the news. I listened to the doctor and decided to stop gym for a while and continue with my normal lifestyle as usual.
On one fine day during Week 7, I was casually browsing through confinement lady options on Facebook and thought I might be one of the earliest persons to check on this....until I made the first call and got rejected. I tried to make a few more calls and all I got was rejections. What?! I am only 7-week-pregnant and people are booking the confinement lady way ahead of me? Did they just pay the deposit right after they conceive??? Hahahaha. Jokes aside, I was pretty nervous and began to realise that this is a stiff competition! I started to use my network to make a list of confinement lady contacts, contacted them one by one.... Finally, I found one lady who was still available and she was referred by a friend of mine. After talking to her, I felt she's quite nice and she's the one. I made the deposit payment (technically my husband made the payment) the next day and ta-daa!!! One problem is solved :)
Everything was fine until yesterday, I had my first brown discharge. I have always heard that some women will experience this during early stage of pregnancy and thought this might be a symptom that I should be concerned about. I decided to monitor myself before going to see the doctor and tried my best to not be worried. I spent the weekend having fun activities with lil man and attended a wedding too. Then this morning, I discovered a small amount of brown discharge again but I was already at work so I thought it's okay, I shall further monitor. When I got back from work and was getting ready for a movie date with my husband, again, I found some brown discharge and this time, the amount is more.
I was quite discouraged and I also felt worried at the same time. We still headed on with the movie plan because it has been a while since my husband is off. By the way, Coco is really nice! I completely forgot about the whole discharge issue when I was in the cinema. I went to washroom after the movie and there was a tiny bit of brown spot again. When I told my husband. he held my hands and said everything shall be fine. We've decided to see the doctor tomorrow.
I don't want to think too much but I cannot stop worrying and thinking about negative things. It's like I am suddenly drowned by all the negativity in the world :'(
I try not to blame the hormone, but maybe it really is the hormone that I am more paranoid than I already was now. If you are also experiencing this now, you're not alone. Although everyone tells you to take good rest, to worry less, to be positive and some may tell you that they had brown discharge before but everything was fine later on, it is just so hard to be positive.
Alright, I need to try to get some sleep now and see what the doctor says tomorrow. All the best to us (me and baby)!
Finally!!!! Words cannot describe my feelings when I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test kit. Was just too excited and touched. Friends around me know that we have been planning to get a second child and I was so blessed because we don't have to wait too long :D I almost wanted to buy a Fertility Monitor home already hahaha.
I did the test right after I was back from a business trip to Jakarta. To my surprise, it was positive! I literally screamed in the toilet out of joy. But that doesn't stop me from driving back to Melaka to see my son at 9pm after a long and tiring day of travel. On my way back, the excitement subsided and I started to think about the 1,000 questions that I need answers for, with regards to our second child. When I finally reached home at 10.30pm, (after kissing and hugging my lil man) hubs and I went out on our own to have supper. Well actually we needed the privacy to share our happiness together! I already sent him the photo of positive result before I reached home and I am sure he would be as happy as I was (or more).
My first prenatal check up! Since I gave birth to lil man, I have always recorded my menstrual dates with a mobile app, so I can easily track my last menstrual date this time. According to the date, I was supposed to be at Week-6 pregnancy so I was very excited to visit the doctor as I thought there would be heartbeat already. However, the ultrasound scan showed that the baby is still very small - about 4 weeks old according to the size (due to my irregular menstrual cycle recently and perhaps late ovulation). So the doctor advised me to come back again one month later, when the baby is around 8 weeks old, if there is no unusual signs (e.g. bleeding). I was proud to tell the doctor that I have been taking Folic Acid for 3 months, which is important to prevent the baby's neural tube defect. Well, after all....I am an experienced mother now! *flip hair*
Knowing that I am only at 4-week-pregnancy kinda worries me...the doctor was also frank that I am at an unstable stage now, so I should take good care of myself and avoid lifting heavy stuff. Phew! I wished I did the test much later! I was 7-week pregnant when I found out about it last time. But life goes on, and especially with a small baby inside me now, I need to be positive! First thing first, I stocked up groceries and started cooking at least one meal a day to control my food intake. I stopped taking coffee and avoid sugar after I found out that I am pregnant. Not gaining too much weight is my secondary concern, so I need to be careful of the nutrients that I am taking into my body.
Pregnancy symptoms? So far I am only feeling tired and (most of the time) sleepy. No morning sickness. No food craving. Thank god! Oh ya, I am also feeling very bloated and having diarrhea for few days. But I have visited my gynae and it stopped. I guess it's the hormonal change that causes the digestive system to respond differently. Everyone is different in their pregnancy and each pregnancy is also different, so I can only guess....and pray! Lil man gave me the smoothest pregnancy journey that every mother could ask for and I hope it's the same this round.
I have been thinking about exercising during pregnancy because I gained so much weight last time (20kg!) and I think I am ready this time because I have been working out regularly for the past one year, so I am physically and mentally prepared to exercise while pregnant. So, after asking "permission" from hubs, I hit the gym for the first time during pregnancy, even when I'm in my first trimester! I didn't want to push myself, just want to be active and try to maintain both my leg and arm muscle. It's important to train on our legs because they will need to support the extra weight that will come soon. So I did some cardio and lower body & arm exercises without weight. Felt very good after the session and it gave me confidence to continue doing it!
The 1,000 questions remain unanswered now but I just want to focus on the changes in my life and make sure that I live well to grow the baby inside. That's it. Leave all the problems for later, at least after I hear the heartbeat. Till then, I will remain positive and hope for the best. :)
Have you had this dilemma of not knowing what to give to your boyfriend or husband for gifts? Unlike us women, gift options for men are somehow limited, so I think this is a valid problem hahaha! Especially if you are in a relationship with the same man for more than 10 years! (like me) I am going to share the gift ideas for my man in the past for you to refer. Well, to be honest, they're quite mainstream but according to my experience, these are very practical for my man.
1. Electric Shaver
Which man doesn't need a shaver? (Women need shaver too hahaha!) Philips is a decent brand for electric shaver and it doesn't cost you a bomb. With reasonable pricing, you can get a triple-head shaver with long battery life, I assure you won't regret this buy. In fact, this has been one of the gifts for my father's birthday as well.
In some Chinese beliefs, a good wallet will bring in more money. I am not superstitious but I do think a good wallet is important because I love to see my notes and coins being kept in order. I particularly like to see my man holding a leather wallet with good quality. You will need to check whether he prefers a wallet with coin pocket or not, and whether he prefers more card slots or not. There are also some men who need a purse to keep more items but generally a wallet is more convenient to be kept in their pocket. I think Ted Baker and Braun Buffel wallets are quite fine :)
You might be thinking that shoes is a common gift idea but I prefer to give it as a surprise than bringing him to the shop to pick. So, shoes is not really an easy option in this case. Shoes sizes vary according to brands so it is best to do fitting before buying. I was lucky when I found out that his pair of Havaianas flip flops are worn out! He is a big fan of Havaianas and I can easily buy him a new pair by referring to the size of the existing pair. The same goes to Converse - I lost count of how many pairs of Converse he bought over the years. Again, this is an easy option but very predictable, so not my first choice haha!
My husband is a tour guide so luggage is essential to him. I handpicked two luggages for him before and I am very happy to know that my gift accompanies him everyday when he is working hard outside. It feels like our hearts are connected even though we are apart. (awwwww...) Obviously, quality of the luggage is the most important factor as he is a heavy user. I also prefer to choose a luggage which looks more professional and versatile because this is for work than leisure. If your other half also uses luggage frequently, my advice is to invest more on this. I personally think you need to get a luggage of RM500 and above (after discount) for a better quality bag.
5. Home Sound System
Whether your man is a gamer or not, I believe home sound system is a great gift option! After a long day of work, a good home sound system can help them relax by delivering good sound quality of music or movie. Also, if you're staying together, you can also use it! :D
My latest gift to hubs for wedding anniversary is a designer belt. Not sure if you know, but I was amazed by how well a belt can complement a man's look. I spent quite some time to decide on which brand and which design should I buy for him. A designer belt is not necessary but I think it is time for him to have one, so I limit the options to a few brands. In the end, I bought a belt from Gucci and I think it is one of the most satisfying gifts I've bought. He loves it and he told me that he received many good comments on the belt. Yay!
Why haven't I bought a watch before? Okay, next up might be a watch haha! What happens if you really run out of idea because you have bought most of the things already? Then it must be after a few years, so you may recycle the gift ideas now hahahaa!
I love choosing gift for people because in order to do so, you need to spend time to obverse, survey and buy. All these are acts of love :) Only if you know a person well and if you put in enough effort, you are able to buy something that they really like. When you see their smile unwrapping the gifts, it is priceless.
这一点在后来的中学生涯我都做到了，往后每一年都保留在第一班。可是，PMR考试之后，我们升中四的时候，我发现原本的马来同学不见了一半。原来，成绩较优异的马来同学都到Maktab Rendah Sains MARA (MRSM)去升学了。那时候我们也不懂MRSM是什么，只知道那是只有土著才能去升学的寄宿学校，免学费之余，也有很多奖学金的机会。在整个中学生涯里，我真心没有仇视马来同学，但内心深处却知道，我们是不一样的，自然也没有交心。